Saturday, August 06, 2005
to hell with the anger management course. what i need is a good ole self-confidence course. something that can boost my confidence overnight - like having the guts to order a glass of water from a waiter in a posh restaurant.
just take the dance lessons i took this afternoon - major disaster. you would totally catch me dead doing the dance moves half-heartedly. how i suck in hip-hop, i cannot be hip! from my point of view, i do not have enough spunk to carry off that 'yo, wazzup?' look during hip-hop lessons. in fact, i look like some constipated by-stander doing crunches and hi-jumps that totally do not fit my whole outlook. maybe i'm just that type of dress-in-style-and-strut-my-stuff-downtown sorta girl. the only thing i can pull off is being sarcastic, not having to twirl around and pose.
yep, everytime i appear for lessons, all i can think of is the students attending the lessons giggling behind my back at how awful my dance moves are - and i feel so trampled on. but in reality, as i look around, everyone is pre-occupying themselves by concentrating on the steps given out by the instructor. yet i cannot understand why i am feeling this way. sometimes, i just admire those actors and actresses that has the courage to be zany and flamboyant without the care of what others think about them.
so you can say i am not much of a a risktaker. in fact, i am some social coward that is afraid of what's outside my room. all i want to do is be idealistic and not work for it, i admit i am like that. i am just that kind of person that waits for prince charming at the top of a tall tower without having finding ways and means or even sending out an sos to one to rescue me - because all i can think is that life is nothing but an excerpt from a fairy tale, not something you'll have to work half your life for it. as similiar as to how i think cookies would be served up in a silver patter and not worrying what or who has made the cookies so that i could savour it.
how am i selfish.
so you can too say i am confessing all my bad points on my blog, and not in some diary which is tucked safely in drawer. (now that i came to think of it.)
mwahaha. jump into the life of Alyssa-strange.
post-shock,
8/06/2005 03:43:00 PM
